If only you could see, what I have seen through your eyes | Permalink

And I am here again, breaking down the AT Field to type down these words. I am very sorry for not writing to you, I have been busy lately, I had to close a research about biodiesel, and now I am starting a new experiment with PSP Screen Protectors. Also, there are final exams at school, but not to worry, I am excempt from all of them.

So, then. . . let's get started. . .




In the beggining, I remember, there was a crowd before me, that my bag was heavy, filled with books. It was a fresh morning, a little chilly, when we began 9th grade. Since I had recovered from my depression, I was given a lot of opportunities, and I chose one. Still, I am not sure why I did that.

The next weeks and months became what I remember as my year, 2005, the year of my first complementation. "Do you have a girlfriend?". . . "We should get you a girlfriend, eh?" where foreign words to me before 2005, and I sometimes, at the beggining of my adolescence, thought about those questions. I thought that I didn't need a girlfriend, in 2004, and was just too busy for that stuff. I also recall thinking that I was a sucker at the contemporary art of dating. Still, in 2004, the depression was still hitting hard on me, therefore I was disabled emotionally.

I remember that I once brought home a gaming magazine, and saw an anime drawing of a mother holding a kid, looking skyward (picture) , under the title of Neon Genesis Evangelion. I think I enjoyed that article, but I don't remember what it was about, I had that drawing stamped into my brain for many years. . . . I walked through the plaza's corridors through overcrowded shops and walked to a game shop and observed the titles in display. I skimmed through the games, sticked to a metal frame, and saw a PlayStation One game, with the words Neon Genesis Evangelion printed on it. I thought: "Yeah, I think I'll like this game". I bought the game and walked back home, after running across the city with a coat on, with its pockets filled with change and bags with discs. I later discovered that the game was indeed Neon Genesis Evangelion, but it was Iron Maiden, Girlfriend of Steel!!!!! My god!! I was so lucky to come upon that game! I searched for information about the game, and bought the series.

The series had such an impact on me, that I even studied it in depth, and it became my life and my soul (therefore I can't stop forgetting Ayanami (shame on me!)). I felt that Neon Genesis Evangelion was based on real life, and I became surprised. It was then when I understood what the AT Field was meant for. I observed Shinji's and Rei hybrid form of love, and I knew what it was made of. Maybe, for understanding all those human forms of expression, shown in Neon Genesis Evangelion, I became somebody different.

"If only you could see, what I have seen through your eyes", a voice speaks within Calyx's "Thru your eyes", reminds me of what happened that year. The weather was nice, and there where lazy clouds upon the sky. I sat near the green lockers, before Mana. I knew that there was something between us since I became part of a small friendship group where some of my friends belonged to. We started talking of the Da Vinci Code book (Bah! What a waste of paper and ink!!) and I remember I looked at the east, I had my hands on the chair, and a voice rose upon my thinking and words, a voice I maybe will not forget in a long time: "Look at her". I turned my head slowly while she spoke and I focused on those greenish eyes of hers. I think time slowed down in that instant, and then a barrage of feelings and warmth rushed through me. It was such a feeling that formed what I knew as complementation.

In the Neon Genesis Evangelion anime series the Human Completion Project was planned to "complete" humanity, in what would be called the third impact, in which all human souls become united, to be extinguished, as some people say in the series. In the End of Evangelion movie, this happens, but, instead of humanity being wiped out, it all began, again, with an Adam and an Eve: Shinji and Asuka. Now, Asuka and Shinji weren't really so close, and became angry and violent sometimes, but they loved each other and suddenly they came out of nowhere to restart humanity's existence. That's a strange ending for a great anime series. I defined complementation, not exactly what the Human Completion Project was for, but being complete. Have you ever felt, after breaking up, or when being lonely, this . . . emptiness, something that you can't really fill up on your own, and feel wierd and depressed too? I suffered from such during my depression, still, I was not sure what it was, until then. Therefore, complementation is to fill in those empty spaces.


. . .


[To be continued]