The complement, again? Will the human completion proyect restart? | Permalink

Here again, typing in front of a dusty computer screen, listening to my favorite Final Fantasy VII tracks and remixes, hearing a boom box 7 meters from me, a saxo playing, hundreds of crickets making noise, city sounds, nature sounds, human sounds. The screen is wide, dirty from use, etching a shadow across a giant puzzle on a wooden table. There are cables connected to the computer everywhere, spreading across the table and the floor like silent snakes. It seems like another day being before a computer connected to the internet.

Sigh. . .

School is wonderful, I now work on a second floor of a big building. There are enourmous trees hovering above us like protectors, there are green plains on the west, and civilization on the east and north. Fresh air circles and dances around the classrooms interacting with us and the smells and pheromones we emit every second, creating a strange mix of scents. Books being open, pencils frictionating with paper, plastic buttons from keyboards pressed furiously, phones ringing, kids laughing and yelling, adolescents flirting, teachers speaking, birds singing, leaves falling, cattle eating, wasps buzzing around, balls bounced, coins tickling, printers printing, steps,

silence.

I have done well, I guess, these two first months. Yet I feel as if I am lucky to have gotten those grades, I don't feel as if I deserved them. I am doing well, I see, yet I feel nothing towards it. I see many, and I mean MANY, failing exams and I am one of those who WORK and are grateful. I don't seem to have any feeling of joy of belonging to those who have done well this bimester, like if I have no determination. I work as hard as I can, and yet I feel I am not really progressing, just rushing through a highway packed of pyrotechnic and noisy people. Is it because of what I seem to have lost during those weeks of vacation, sitting before a computer every single day, looking up information of anything that crossed my mind??? What have I done to my complement?

Was it because we work in separate rooms? Kind of, we really were complements while working last year. Ah, those moments where wonderful, I remember it as if it happened just an hour ago. My complement and me working together and solving mathematical challenges and puzzles as a team, as a pair. But, . . . cough!!! Pair? Yes, as complements complementing each other. I remember opening windows in my classroom every single morning, letting fresh air come in, getting my stuff together and waiting for my complement to arrive. Did I ever went out with my complement? No, not as an informal event. I don't really go out, only if there was a true, solid purpose. But if my complement invited me? I would go. That would be nice. Sharing a chocolate dessert while viewing the stars popping out of nowhere in the sky of above, being ourselves, being complemented, being one. Oh, wonderful moments they would have been if I was more outgoing during those precious moments.

But why a complement? After being thrown and pinned to the ground during 7th and 8th grade I was lost emotionally, I was free but with a troubled complex mind and a weak heart. Where was I to going to do as I worked at school? The answer stood before me. A group of 4 pheromone-explosive adolescents. I had nowhere to go, nothing to do, so I joined the group "la bolita" and my first complement appeared. I never knew what ignited my heart that year, yet it pointed towards my complement. I couldn't get a hold of myself and understand just what was going on inside me. Then, I understood.

Other partners in the group kept pushing me and begging me to, should we say, become a boyfriend of my complement. One thing just to explain this translation problem. The english language uses boy/girlfriend to reffer to somebody who is somehow chemically attached to another person, and has agreed to intensify such chemical attachment. In the spanish language, "novio/novia" is used as explained above and also to reffer to a fiancé. So, getting back to the matter at hand, they pushed me around and begged me to become my complement's "novio". Man, I really hated them when they did that. It really began to bother me in December. I still have mementos of such experiences. I am a rat-pack.

I never said yes, I never said no, just made an international proposal on the internet. Such agreedment never took place. We remained the same and continued our complementation. I don't like the term "novios", it is tooooo intense for me, better reserve it for later. I'd rather use "a couple chemically attached", or "magnets" or "H + O2 -> H2O". Beg your pardon.

With the beggining of 10th grade, the chemical reaction and attachment I shared with my complement faded. Why? Well, maybe I'm tooo shy. Also because we work in separate classrooms. Without working together with my complement our chemical attachment won't really become intact, again. I just go out to school and trap myself inside my house, unless a situation arises. I don't know if I should go out with my complement every friday or weekends, because it really is a short time. But, what the hell am I saying? I am giving up my hopes of reuniting with my complement again, I observe. Just because we work in separate classrooms doesn't mean that our attachment is over. Yes, we are physically separated, but the chemical and emotional conditions REMAIN. Oh, I am such a bastard!! Bastard!!!! Oooooooooooooh!!!!!!! I hate myself when I discover bad things about me.

Yes, I can reunite with my complement and resume our complementation again. I can!! I never thought I could. Oh, come on! I am just a coward, that's all.

Complement? Would you like to become one, again? Would you like to build up our chemical attachment again? Would you like to go out and share a chocolate ice cream or watch a wonderful movie together? Watch the night sky while hugging ourselves together? Play around and kiss all day? Would you like to live the past again?